I was 34 years old when I fully understood what had happened to me. 

It was a routine pregnancy appointment. The midwife was asking me all the standard questions: do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you exercise? 

I answered each one without much thought. And then, she asked me a question that changed everything: ‘Have you ever been subjected to FGM?’ 

I said yes. And her reaction was immediate; the entire appointment shifted to become about female genital mutilation (FGM). 

I was seven years old when it happened. I remember the screaming. The chaos. Several of us were there at the same time, in a house in Iran, held down, cut. There was no anaesthetic, no care, just pain.

I remember the fear and the confusion. I remember an elderly relative arranging it, paying the woman who came to do it. She was proud. She believed it was the right thing to do.

If the girls in the family weren’t cut, we would face backlash from the community. The people who push this crime on to young girls do so for male approval and their belief that it will prevent women becoming ‘promiscuous’.

For a long time, I blocked out the memory. I didn’t acknowledge what it really meant. 

When I was 14, I saw a poster in a hospital toilet that featured a razor blade dripping with blood and mentioned FGM. That was the first time I made the connection to what had happened to me in Iran, but I still didn’t fully understand. 

Even as I got older, I downplayed it to myself. I certainly didn’t have the anger that I feel now.

This Is Not Right

On November 25, 2024 Metro launched This Is Not Right, a year-long campaign to address the relentless epidemic of violence against women.

Throughout the year we will be bringing you stories that shine a light on the sheer scale of the epidemic.

With the help of our partners at Women’s Aid, This Is Not Right aims to engage and empower our readers on the issue of violence against women.

You can find more articles here, and if you want to share your story with us, you can send us an email at vaw@metro.co.uk.

Read more:

• Introducing This Is Not Right: Metro’s year-long violence against women campaign
• Yvette Cooper’s message to abusers and rapists: The streets don’t belong to you
• Remembering the women killed by men in 2024
• Stories about violence against women don’t make an impact – this is why
• Men – we need your help to end violence against women
• What to do if your loved one is at risk from domestic abuse

It wasn’t until I was pregnant – until I faced the reality of childbirth – that I truly reckoned with it. I had never considered that what had been done to me as a child could impact my ability to give birth. 

I had never even had an examination. No one had ever checked. No doctor had ever asked. I had lived in my body for over three decades without fully understanding what had been taken from me.  

That midwife referred me to a specialist, and for the first time in my life, I was shown in a mirror the extent of my own trauma. I had seen diagrams before: graphics online that illustrated different ‘types’ of FGM.

But I had never connected those images to myself. I had never thought about exactly where I had been cut or what had been removed. I sat there, stunned and terrified. 

My biggest fear was that I wouldn’t be able to give birth naturally and that something would go wrong during labour. Women can have severe complications during pregnancy due to FGM, so I just kept thinking: how could I trust a body that had been so brutally altered without my consent?

Women who have been subjected to FGM face a significantly greater risk of requiring a C-section, an episiotomy (an incision during childbirth to enlarge the vaginal opening) and also of suffering post-partum haemorrhage. They are also more likely to suffer from prolonged and obstructed labour, sometimes resulting in stillbirth and early neonatal death.

I was lucky though. My son was born healthy and it was my dream birth – I was able to have a vaginal delivery, which was a really big deal for me.

Still, the fear and uncertainty tainted the experience of having my child. I was carrying a burden other women didn’t have to carry. 
 
And the impact didn’t stop there. 
 
To this day, intimacy is difficult. Even though I have a supportive and knowledgeable partner, the paranoia and anxiety is constantly there.

I have to silence the voice in my head that tells me talking about my body is shameful, that discussing FGM makes me unworthy of respect. That voice was planted in me as a child and it takes constant effort to unlearn it.

Every time I go for a cervical screening, the fear comes back. Will they see I’m a survivor? Will that change my results? Will it mean I have health problems later in life that other women don’t? 

Today, I’m now very aware of just how much trauma FGM caused me, both physically and mentally. It’s important for people to understand it also almost never happens in isolation.

FGM survivors have often been subjected to other forms of gender-based violence, such as child marriage and modern slavery.  

Understanding the intersectionality of gender-based violence is crucial and that’s why I’m now channelling a lot of my anger into working with groups who really want to do something about it. I am an Advisory Board Member and Campaign Ambassador for The Vavengers, a female and survivor-led movement, which aims to end FGM and other forms of violence against women and girls.

Our ‘One Question Campaign’ asks for every woman in the UK to be surveyed on FGM through healthcare settings and for those that have been impacted to be provided with specialist mental health care and access to reconstructive surgery should survivors need it. If this was the reality, I would have been given the knowledge and tools to understand the trauma FGM left on my body much earlier in my life.

In all the interactions with medical professionals I’ve had before, FGM never came up. Had I been asked about it or even seen a leaflet in a clinic during my adult life, it might have given me the confidence to question it. It’s a really important campaign for supporting survivors here in the UK. 

FGM is so often spoken about as a cultural ‘practice’, a distant issue happening ‘elsewhere.’ But it’s not a ‘practice’, it’s child abuse and it is happening here. Right now. Girls in the UK are at risk and the effects last a lifetime. 

I want people to understand: FGM isn’t just a one-time event. It doesn’t end with the cutting. It lingers, shaping every part of your life from your health, your relationships, your sense of self. 

Now that I know what happened to me, I feel robbed of my own body. Someone decided what could be done with one of the most intimate parts of me, and that is a void I can never fill.  

The shame is not mine to carry, however – that’s why I talk about it. The shame belongs to those who did this to me.  

So please, educate yourself. Pay attention. Have these conversations, have compassion and do something about it.

On top of that, support survivor-led organisations like The Vavengers, talk about it to remove the stigma and advocate for ending violence against women and girls.

Because no child should have to grow up and learn about their own body from a stranger in a hospital room, decades after the damage was done.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

Share your views in the comments below.

It was a cruelly cold winter afternoon. I hadn’t eaten, and I was freezing. 

I was 14. I had gone out shopping with my mum and she suggested that we grab a hot chocolate to warm up.

My body began to tense and my mind whirred, desperate to spin yet another excuse to avoid consuming calories. 

After my denials, Mum’s frustration, which had been building for months, reached its peak. 

Burying her head in her hands, she begged me, as she had before, to share my pain with her. But I couldn’t. I just felt so awkward.

I didn’t want her to see the ugly secret that I was hiding – my eating disorder.  

I first felt different at age seven. I had brown skin, dark hair and more weight around my thighs than the other girls at school. I struggled in P.E.; I remember pleading with a friend to slow down in a race so that I wouldn’t be the last one on the running track – the last one on display for people to notice my difference.  

By the time I had begun secondary school these feelings intensified. 

At 12, I began restricting food as I thought that by losing weight I would feel happier. So I would pretend to eat by buying school lunches and then binning them. 

I also exercised compulsively while my family slept and became addicted to online articles that outlined ways ‘to lose weight fast,’ scouring the internet for ‘thinspiration.’  

Essentially, I was desperate to be anyone other than myself and determined to do whatever it would take to make this happen.

I held myself to an extreme, unhealthy standard; expectations that no one I loved had ever voiced, but I so clearly believed to be true. 

Yet I never let on how I was really feeling because I was always the caretaker. If my loved ones knew that I was struggling, I felt it would be too much for them. I especially wanted to please my mum, and I thought that through secrecy, I could preserve a perfect image of myself.

But I underestimated her.  

Mum had long suspected something was going on, but from the day we were at that café and I refused the hot chocolate, she began monitoring my eating habits and noticing when I withdrew from social outings.

To try and throw her off I began to live a chameleon-like existence, morphing into a version of myself that I believed people wanted to see. I worked hard at school, and tried my best to avoid awkward conversations.

Secretly though, I desperately wanted to be seen for all my complexity and yet I was terrified of that, too. I feared that I would disappoint my loved ones by not being ‘OK’.

By the time I was 15 though, Mum pushed for an appointment with my GP, so that I could be referred for counselling. 

At 16, after a year and a half waiting list, I was offered a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) on the NHS. Though not for everyone, it was a transformational experience for my young mind and offered me the tools to recognise unhealthy behaviours.  

This enabled me to let go of the awkwardness I felt around my mental health. I realised that it can sometimes just take one person within a social circle to share their feelings to reduce the stigma.

Gradually, I began to open up about my feelings and to let go of the feeling that I had to curate a perfect version of myself. 

I also vowed not to let my eating disorder win. I learnt about nutrition and began cooking meals I enjoyed and embraced exercise in a healthy way, allowing it to boost my mood instead of it feeling like a punishment. 

From then on my relationship with my body shifted, and the control food and exercise once had over me faded. 

I am now 21, completing my final year of university, with the healthiest of mindsets that I have ever experienced. I spend time with the people I love and feel uplifted without holding back my true feelings. But sadly, many people still do. 

New data released by Mind and Rethink Mental Illness to coincide with Time to Talk Day shows that a third of people in the UK would prefer not to talk about their mental health rather than risk an awkward conversation. 

My story is not unique – eating disorder charity BEAT estimates that at least 1.25 million people in the United Kingdom are experiencing an eating disorder – but I believe that’s what makes it valuable.  

Eating disorders are often trivialised, but for me, my experience was one of control and secrecy. My disorder troubled most of my teen years and led to feelings of extreme isolation and loneliness.  

I hope that, on Time to Talk Day, sharing my experience will reiterate the importance of reaching out for support. 

It once felt like my whole world was ending at the expense of my eating disorder, but receiving valuable support was the catalyst that sent my life in a new, positive direction – one that everyone deserves. 

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. 

Share your views in the comments below.

Controversial OnlyFans star Lily Phillips has opened up about getting labiaplasty to her 313,000 TikTok followers.

In a candid video on TikTok, she revealed what motivated her to have the procedure done at just 19 years old, receiving thousands of views in just a few hours.

Lily said the surgery, which she had four years prior to her 101 men in a day sex stunt, made her much more confident in the bedroom.

The adult performer previously discussed going under the knife in an interview with Metro, recalling: ‘Labiaplasty was what I spent my first OnlyFans paycheck on because I didn’t like the look of my vagina.

‘In comparison to what I’d seen online and what I’d seen in porn, my vagina wasn’t the norm.’

Lily explained that she had one labia ‘much longer’ than the other, which would make wearing underwear uncomfortable because it would pinch her vulva.

As well as this, the difference in size of her labia made her feel insecure, leading her to have the £5,000 procedure to make them more symmetrical at a Harley Street clinic.

‘In sex work,’ Lily told Metro, ‘the money is good but it does affect every aspect of your life. It’s hard with your body image and the way you look because what I earn is tied to how I look.

‘If I had bigger boobs would I earn more money? And when you have more money it brings the question of “do I get plastic surgery?”. Do I risk my life to get a BBL just so I might have more fans? It’s a constant mind battle with yourself and you appearance.’

She added that none of her boyfriends or sexual partners had ever commented on her labia being different sizes, but she’d seen men online suggesting it meant a woman had been ‘f**ked more’ or had a ‘wide vagina’ – both of which are false.

‘Comments like that are absolutely awful,’ she said. ‘So I was happy that I got labiaplasty done, it’s made me so much more confident.’

And it’s not just those working in the sex industry that feel like this. In a Refinery29 survey, half of women said they had concerns about the appearance of their genitalia, with 64% of them being worried about size and 60% about shape.

This is in spite of the fact that there’s no such thing as ‘normal’ when it comes to vulvas: one large-scale study found labias typically ranged from from 5mm to 10cm, and around 50% of women are believed to have asymmetrical labia.

Obstetrician and gynaecologist Dr Inês Vaz commented: ‘The concept of “big” and “small” was created by the media. Women should think twice before they categorise themselves as “abnormal”.’

When we asked if she felt her cosmetic surgery was contributing to the unrealistic body standards that porn sets, Lily admitted her part, saying: ‘I didn’t think when I got it done that I was going to be so much in the porn industry and have an effect on girls watching it.

‘It’s quite hard because I might be adding to some girl’s insecurity, but I’m definitely very open that I’ve had it done. I never set out to be some kind of influencer or change the way girls think about themselves… I am an individual, and I’m just kind of doing what makes me happy.’

In her TikTok, Lily also noted that she didn’t want to recommend people get surgery, but that for her it was ‘worth it’.

‘I absolutely loved it and it made me feel so much more confident with my coochie,’ she commented.

All you need to know about labiaplasty

Gerard Lambe from Reflect Clinic UK, is one of the UK’s leading labiaplasty surgeons, and performs 40 of these procedures each year.

He tells Metro: ‘There has been a huge rise in demand for the procedure in the last five years, with both private and NHS surgeons seeing a spike in requests for it in the last year alone.

‘Social media is clearly playing a part and more high profile women sharing their labiaplasty experiences has certainly inspired other women to finally explore having it done.’

The procedure is described by Dr Lambe as having ‘the labia majora or lips trimmed, shortened, or made more symmetrical, if one fold of skin is larger or longer than the other’.

Lily’s surgery took an hour under general anaesthetic, which the surgeon agrees is the norm, but while Lily paid £5,000, he charges £4,000 which includes pre-surgery and post-surgery care.

Alarmingly, Lily admitted that she had sex just two weeks after the procedure, which Dr Lambe recommends should be avoided for at least four to six weeks afterwards.

He says: ‘It’s intricate surgery on sensitive skin and the tissue is very tender and sensitive following surgery. There’s bruising, stitches and due to the labia being so near the urethra it is really very open to a lot of sensitivity and pain when you pee, never mind having sexual intercourse.

‘Sex before you have fully healed could split the stitches before they have had time to heal and dissolve. A woman would be at much more risk of infection and STDs too, as there is the possibility of an open wound and blood infection.’

It’s also not advisable to go out to the club the same day you’ve had labiaplasty, as the OnlyFans star did.

‘Like any surgical procedure there is the risk of infection or injury during recovery too if you do not rest fully or rush to head to the gym, cycle or even running can slow down healing,’ the doctor adds.

What is labiaplasty?

A labiaplasty is surgery to reduce the size of the labia minora – the flaps of skin either side of the vaginal opening.

It should not be done on girls younger than 18 because the labia continues to develop beyond puberty into early adulthood.

Some women want a labiaplasty because they do not like the look of their labia. But it’s completely normal to have noticeable skin folds around the opening of your vagina. In most cases, it does not cause any problems, which is why labiaplasty is rarely available on the NHS.

In the UK, a labiaplasty costs about £4,000. The cost of any consultations or follow-up care may not be included in the price.

Having a labiaplasty is a big decision that you should think about carefully. It can be expensive and carries a number of risks.

There’s also no guarantee you’ll get the result you expected, and it will not necessarily make you feel better about your body.

If you’re thinking about having a labiaplasty, discuss it with your GP first.

You may have a condition that’s causing discomfort, which can be treated. Or there may be a reason why the operation is not suitable for you.

Your GP may advise you to speak to a counsellor or psychologist before committing to surgery.

Source: NHS

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

These days you can get filler just about anywhere; your under-eyes, cheekbones, nose, and of course lips – but we aren’t just talking about the ones on your face.

That’s right, people are now getting filler in their vulvas, thanks to the increasingly-popular practice of labia puffing.

While the cosmetic procedure has been around since the mid-2000s, it’s recently become a hot topic after being discussed by Caitlin Howden and Emily Key on The Weekly Breakdown podcast in December. 

Explaining, consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist for The Portland Hospital Dr Shazia Malik tells Metro: ‘Labia puffing uses dermal fillers, like hyaluronic acid or fat, to restore volume to the labia majora (the outer lips of the vulva).

‘The minimally invasive procedure is designed to enhance appearance by increasing fullness, smoothness, and symmetry.’

Podcast hosts Caitlin and Emily likened it to ‘looking for a camel toe’ and wanting a ‘puffy p***y’. But let’s be real, there’s a serious reason some of us want to alter how our vulvas look.

Why do women get labia puffing?

‘The procedure is most sought after by women looking to regain a youthful, fuller appearance due to age, weight loss, or childbirth,’ Dr Malik explains.

All three of the above can cause the labia to look more deflated or ‘saggy’ which can, understandably, lead to insecurity for some.

‘Many women seek the procedure to address perceived imperfections or asymmetry,’ she adds. ‘Aside from aesthetic improvement, labia puffing can also increase confidence, particularly in intimate situations.’

Chafing is another problem which can cause discomfort, and can also be a factor into the decision to get one’s labia puffed. 

But others choose to have work done simply due to general self-consciousness about their genitalia’s appearance, which isn’t exactly surprising given how social media and porn contribute to unrealistic body standards.

The Centre for Surgery, an aesthetic surgery based in London claimed labia puffing as ‘contributing to a more aesthetically pleasing and youthful appearance’. It’s a nod to the age-old idea that a woman’s greatest pursuit is to look as young as possible, with a plump vagina seen as the latest accessory for those wanting to remain ageless.

But proving that body insecurity defies generations, a University of Melbourne study that found girls as young as 13 were already worried about how their vaginas look.

‘There is no “perfect” or “ideal” appearance for genitalia—just as with any other body part, every vagina is unique,’ says Dr Malik. ‘Most concerns about vaginal appearance stem from societal pressures and misinformation, not actual issues.’

She warns that while discomfort or health concerns should be addressed with medical professionals, ‘cosmetic procedures should only be pursued if they are personally desired.’

‘Labia puffing is a personal choice, and like any cosmetic procedure, it should be approached with careful consideration,’ Dr Malik adds.

‘While it can offer aesthetic benefits and boost confidence, it’s important you seek procedures for your own reasons and not because of societal pressures or unrealistic expectations.’

The Weekly Breakdown’s Catilin echoed this sentiment, saying: ‘I’m all for any kind of modification, as long as it’s coming from a place of “for me”.’

What are the risks and benefits of labia puffing?

The obvious benefit to labia puffing, as Dr Malik points out, is the restoration of the labia majora’s appearance, giving it a plumper and more youthful look. 

It’s also non-invasive, typically carried out with local anaesthetic and carrying fewer risks than surgical alternatives like labiaplasty, along with having a shorter recovery time.

But just because it has fewer risks, doesn’t mean they’re non-existent, and it helps to have all the facts before you cosmetically alter your body.

Dr Malik says: ‘The most common risks include swelling, bruising, and irritation at the injection site. Allergic reactions to the filler material, though rare, can also happen, and some patients may generally experience mild discomfort.’

It’s vital to make sure you’re going to a reputable surgeon too, because there is a chance of uneven results or asymmetry if the procedure isn’t done right. Additionally, overfilling can result in an exaggerated look, which you most likely don’t want.

Even if it all goes to plan, Dr Malik adds: ‘In some cases the filler material could shift or form lumps, leading to an unnatural appearance. There are some more serious complications like infection or damage to surrounding tissues too, but choosing a qualified practitioner can help minimise these risks.’

How popular is labia puffing?

There’s been huge amounts of interest in labia puffing recently, with cosmetic surgeon Gerard Lambe from Reflect Clinic seeing a 20% spike in enquiries about the procedure.

‘In fact, demand for labia procedures as a whole are on an upwards trend,’ he tells Metro. ‘We’ve carried out more than ever in the last few years.

‘I performed 42 labia puffing procedures last year and most of these were an additional aesthetic request to a labiaplasty, but increasingly many women simply desire the filler option of a puffing procedure on its own.’

According to Dr Lambe, ‘very few opt for labia puffing out of pure vanity or societal pressures to have a perfect vagina.’

In fact, in his opinion, ‘Most women simply want to feel better in their skin and to solve what may have been an excruciatingly embarrassing issue for years – perhaps from childbirth or the menopause when tissue plumpness and elasticity decreases due to hormones.’

‘I vet and appraise all patients to make sure they are emotionally and psychologically in a happy, healthy balanced state of mind before any procedure,’ the surgeon adds.

‘Most women tell me they’re opting for the procedure to feel physically better and more comfortable, not to please a partner.’

When it comes to costs, Dr Lambe explains he charges up to £500 per ml of filler, so the total cost depends on the amount of filler required.

‘The first ever procedure starts with smaller amounts so that a top up is possible,’ he explains. ‘If puffing is combined with a labiaplasty, that can cost in the region £2,000 to £4,500.

Both Dr Lambe and Dr Malik urge people to do their research before undergoing the treatment and choosing a practitioner, with the former warning: ‘Don’t be tempted by low cost offers as these may not include consultations or follow-up care.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

We’re all guilty of sleeping in our underwear from time to time, but for 26-year-old Kaela this simple habit left her in excruciating pain in hospital.

She slept in underwear she’d worn many times before to bed but woke up to find they had rubbed against her vulva in a flossing motion and cut her.

The assistant property manager from Dallas, Texas, assumed the wound would heal on its own, but over the next few days, she felt an intense burning and began exhibiting feverish symptoms.

After the cut formed a bubble, Kaela struggled to close her legs due to the severe pain, so she visited her doctor and was prescribed antibiotics.

She said: ‘I took them for two days before I decided I was going to die if I didn’t go to the hospital.

‘I couldn’t sit, stand or even, lay down. My only option was to ride to the hospital lying on my left side because it was on the right side of my vagina.’

At the hospital, doctors used an ultrasound wand to confirm a 4.8cm Bartholin’s cyst – a fluid-filled blockage in the Bartholin’s gland in the labia – with blood work showing she had an infection as a result.

‘They were worried had I waited any longer, that I would have gone septic,’ Kaela says. ‘They had me on several different IV antibiotics hoping that the cyst would burst on its own instead of having to do it surgically.’

It was an ‘excruciating’ ordeal, with Kaela explaining: ‘I was practically screaming in pain that not even morphine could cure.’

However, on the morning of her third day in hospital, she stood up and felt a ‘massive burst of liquid gushing’ down her legs. The cyst bursting was an immediate rush of relief and she was finally able to sit, stand and lay normally.

Kaela remained in hospital for a further two days until her white cell count showed she no longer had an infection. But her turmoil didn’t end there.

In July, months after her underwear had initially cut her and following numerous trips to A&E, she was eventually diagnosed with a fungal infection.

Kaela said: ‘She had me start taking this antifungal medication and within a week I started to feel so much better. You never know how sick you are until you aren’t sick anymore.’

Over the next few months, the wound slowly healed and Kaela was finally cyst and infection-fee.

Reflecting on the incident, she says: ‘It’s so silly and insane that a pair of underwear caused mass torment and pain for me for nine months.

‘Each time I had to tell a family member, friend, or doctor that this all started because of a pair of underwear I died a little inside from embarrassment, but now I think it’s quite hilarious.

‘It’s a great comedic relief story that people would never expect to hear.’

Now, Kaela refuses to sleep in underwear, preferring to let the area ‘breathe’ and says she has learnt to advocate for herself.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

It began with an intermittent pain under my right rib. 

It was 2021 and I was 48, too busy living life to take this unusual pain seriously. So I brushed it off. 

That pain only got worse when I drank alcohol.

Even though I was only a social drinker I started to get terrible hangovers even if I only had a couple of glasses. Still, I never dreamed this was a sign that something was seriously wrong.

Over the following months I became increasingly fatigued. I went from going to the gym several times a week and being very active in my business, to not having energy to do anything. 

After experiencing intense pain over two consecutive weekends in early 2022, I decided it was time to see my GP. 

My first visit, I was told it was ‘just acid reflux’ and prescribed medication to help treat that.

When that ran out, my pain returned with a vengeance. This time, I was prescribed a different medication, but it turned out it was off the market.

Two days later my pain was worse than ever and the whites of my eyes, in my daughter Issy’s words, had turned ‘the colour of the inside of a Cadbury’s crème egg’ – I was now jaundiced.

We went to A&E and after a night of blood tests and CT scans, I was admitted, as they’d found a ‘suspicious lump’ on my liver.

An ERCP – a surgical procedure that uses an endoscope and X-rays to diagnose problems with the liver and bile ducts among others – was ordered and that’s when everything changed.

Lying on a bed waiting to be wheeled down for the procedure, the doctor said: ‘You do know what we’re dealing with here?’

‘No. No one’s told me anything,’ I replied.

‘Oh. You’ve got a cancer called cholangiocarcinoma,’ he said, matter of factly.

I had no time to really take in what was said.

Cholangiocarcinoma is bile duct cancer. Once considered rare, AMMF, the UK’s only charity dedicated to this type of cancer, says more and more people are being diagnosed with it every single day.

It is not, as was told to me by the so-called ‘specialists’ who were treating me, ‘a cancer that only affects men over the age of 65’. This cancer does not discriminate and the charity has seen cases rising among young people, particularly women, between the ages of 20 and 40.

When I woke up the next day after the ERCP surgery, I felt brand new. A stent had been placed into the bile ducts to unblock it and the relief was immediate. 

But then the MacMillan nurses came in and handed me a leaflet about cholangiocarcinoma.

Life changed in an instant.

I felt devastated for not knowing anything about cholangiocarcinoma. But I was cross, too – at my GP for not spotting the signs but also at the general lack of awareness.

Luckily I found AMMF and was able to download a letter for the surgery to read all about the cancer and to put on display. 

I’d felt they’d let me down by misdiagnosing me. At least this way, by displaying the letter on the wall of every treatment room, they wouldn’t forget about cholangiocarcinoma in the future.

Then, after posting about it on LinkedIn – where most of the 250 comments I received asked ‘what’s that?’ and ‘how on earth do you even say it?’ (it’s pronounced kol-angee-oh-car-sin-oh-ma) – I knew it was time to focus on my own treatment and health.

I wanted to know everything I could about this cancer and, importantly, how to beat it.

I activated my private healthcare and, as surgery is currently the only form of ‘cure’ for this cancer, and as my tumour was small enough, in July 2022 I had a liver resection: removing the tumour, part of my liver and also my gallbladder.

In September, I started a follow-up course of chemotherapy and in March 2023 I was told I was cancer-free.

Words cannot describe the relief I felt.

Now, life could carry on, and I’d make the most of every day.

For a few months, that’s exactly what I did. I started dating my now-husband, Keith, got back to work and just enjoyed life.

Unfortunately, at my three-month monitoring scan I was told the cancer was back.

Instead of one big mass, I now had eight smaller tumours that were scattered across my liver, making further surgery impossible. My only hope was targeted therapy.

However, I then learned I have a very rare gene mutation, meaning I won’t respond to chemo or any targeted therapies now approved for use in the NHS.

It was another devastating blow.

Since then, I’ve tried multiple different drugs and treatments; each time thinking, ‘This is it. This will be the one to cure me.’

I have to be hopeful, I have to stay positive.

That’s why I’ve been making the most of every day. It’s why, when Keith proposed in August 2023, I said yes immediately and planned our wedding in just three months. It’s why we travel a lot and bank memories over buying things that we’d just throw away in a couple of years. 

Because I can’t afford to take anything for granted anymore.

Now, though, I find myself at an impasse.

A few days ago, doctors told me they were out of options and I’ve been put on palliative care.

But I refuse to give up.

I know there are treatments out there that could help me. I’m on a global forum with cholangiocarcinoma patients and a lot of them in America and Australia are getting new and advanced treatments that aren’t yet available here in the UK.

For patients like me, this simply isn’t good enough.

I’m not going to just sit here and wait to die, I have a lot to live for, but now it’s up to me to push for the care I deserve.

That’s why, this Cholangiocarcinoma Awareness Month, I’m working alongside fashion legends Rankin and Dame Zandra Rhodes to put the spotlight on AMMF’s (the cholangiocarcinoma charity) Rethink Liver Cancer campaign.

I’ll be heading to the House of Commons on 26 February at a reception for MPs and NHS leaders to support a plan for a ‘Fairer Deal, Faster’ for people with cholangiocarcinoma in the NHS.

It’s high time that this cancer got the attention, funding and research that other cancers do. 

It’s time the UK caught up with the rest of the world and invested in cholangiocarcinoma.

Maybe then, patients like me could have a positive experience. Maybe then we could be survivors, too.

As told to Emma Rossiter.

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Getting to the gym can feel like a lot of effort some days – and with so many pieces of equipment to choose from, knowing where to start can feel like a bit of a minefield.

Along these lines, the 3-2-1 method is quickly taking over our TikTok For You pages, promising both quick results and a way to neatly organise your exercise by day.

In one clip, @maggiefromladder shared: ‘I want to personally kiss whoever came up with the 3-2-1 method. All my workout planned for me?

‘I’m excited to go to the gym. I am addicted and will never go back to any other workouts.’

Meanwhile, @jujusheikh noted it gave her a completely ‘snatched waist,’ eradicated her back pain and made her feel ‘stronger than ever.’

What is the 3-2-1 method?

As personal trainer at The Fitness Group, Eryn Barber, tells Metro, the 3-2-1 is a fitness routine that involves three days of strength training, two days of Pilates and one day of cardio each week.

In her view, it’s both a ‘simple way to organise’ weekly workouts and to ‘adopt a holistic approach to exercise.’

What are the benefits of the 3-2-1 method?

‘One key advantage of this training method is that it focuses on the three main pillars of movement: strength, mobility and cardiovascular health,’ Eryn explains.

‘If your aim is to improve your overall health, you need to consistently work on all three areas. Breaking the plan into clear numbers makes it simplistic and easy to follow.

‘It also creates structure around your training and can help those struggling to stay motivated remain consistent in their training plan.’

How to do the 3-2-1 method

Part of the beauty of the 3-2-1 method is that it’s relatively flexible, so you can tailor it to the type of exercise you prefer.

Strength training might sound scary, but as Eryn reminds us, this can range from calisthenics to powerlifting, or even just traditional gym trips.

As for Pilates, you could try mat or reformer variations (using a reformer machine that resembles a bed frame with springs attached to one end) either at home or in a class, while the cardio can include the likes of running, swimming or hiking.

‘You can structure your week in several ways,’ says Erin. ‘We recommend a day of rest or another workout between strength sessions to allow your body to recover.’

Some of Eryn’s plans include:

• Strength, Pilates, cardio, strength, Pilates, strength 
• Pilates, strength, cardio, strength, Pilates, strength.

What results can you expect from the 3-2-1 method?

As is often the case with exercise, results look different for everyone.

But if you remain consistent in your commitment and stick to the 3-2-1 method for at least eight to 12 weeks, you’ll see improvements in your aerobic fitness, muscle strength and overall health.

Eryn concludes: ‘The important thing is that you stay consistent, progressively overload over time and focus on recovering properly with good nutrition and adequate rest.’

Ready? 3-2-1, go…

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Lily Phillips has revealed how she’s preparing for her latest so-called ‘sex-challenge’, but her methods have left doctors concerned.

Lily announced she would be having anal sex ‘with as many guys as possible’, sharing the news just days after OnlyFans star Bonnie Blue had sex with 1,057 men in a day.

Concerns have been raised for both women’s sexual health, and now Lily, 23, has acknowledged that STIs are ‘something that could happen’.

While Lily said she was on PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis, a medication used to reduce the risk of HIV) she told The News Movement that STIs are ‘just the nature of the job’.

She said: ‘Stuff can go wrong… it’s a con of being in our industry. I make sure everyone is tested… but if someone tests the week before and then has sex in between that… it’s something I can’t really stop.’

As well as taking PrEP, Lily said she was preparing in other ways ahead of her ‘all anal gang bang’.

‘I’ll probably stop eating, I also wear a butt plug for quite a while the day before and then the morning of I’m douching quite a few times, making sure everything’s really cleaned out,’ she explained.

‘Then I usually go in with toys and really stretch it out quite a bit.’

However, NHS GP, Dr Hana Patel tells Metro that there are ‘several potential risks’ associated with Lily’s methods.

Anal douching

Anal douching is the process of rinsing the rectum with water or a specialised cleansing solution, typically using a bulb syringe, enema kit or shower attachment.

Dr Hana, who works with Superdrug Online Doctor, explains: ‘It involves inserting some lukewarm water or douching solution into the rectum, allowing it to be retained briefly before expelling it into the toilet. The process is repeated until the water runs clear.

‘It’s important to use body-temperature water, as water that is too hot or too cold can cause discomfort or damage the delicate rectal lining. Some people opt for commercial enema solutions, but these can cause irritation if used frequently.’

Douching regularly carries a number of potential health risks too, as Dr Hana sayd: ‘Overuse can strip away the natural mucus lining of the rectum, which serves as a protective barrier against irritation and infection.

‘It may also disrupt the natural balance of gut bacteria, potentially leading to irritation, inflammation, or an increased susceptibility to infection.’

And alongside these issues, inserting the water with too much pressure could cause a tear to the rectal tissue, making infection or STIs – including HIV – more likely, as micro-tears in your rectum allow the infection to enter the system more easily.

Butt plugs

The OnlyFans star revealed that she plans to stretch her anus with a butt plug.

Dr Hana explains: ‘The anal muscles are naturally tight, and sudden penetration can cause pain if they are not adequately relaxed. Gradual dilation using a small-to-medium-sized butt plug can help the muscles become accustomed to penetration.’

But using a butt plug for a long time in the way that Lily plans isn’t a good idea.

‘Care should be taken not to overuse a plug,’ says Dr Hana. ‘Prolonged wear can cause irritation or desensitisation.’

Fasting

When it comes to Lily’s decision to fast, the doctor stresses there are numerous risks: low blood sugar, dizziness, fatigue and decreased stamina.

Plus, given her ‘challenge’ is also going to last for hours, a lack of food could increase the star’s risk of fainting or exhaustion, or make sex more painful.

‘Dehydration is another concern,’ adds Dr Hana. ‘Inadequate fluid intake can lead to muscle cramps and reduced lubrication, increasing discomfort during sex’.

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Walking through Milton Country Park near my home in Cambridge one morning in the bitterly cold first week of January this year, I felt a sense of peace.

The grass was crunchy underfoot while the trees sparkled with frost. It was so bright, beautiful and invigorating that I stopped to take a video. 

Perhaps most incredibly though, despite the temperature hovering somewhere around the 1°C mark, I bumped into three people during my 90-minute walk. And I spoke to each and every one of them.

For me, a walk in wintertime often turns out to be a more social affair; I love to connect with and help people.

That’s why I created RED January, to inspire everyone to set a daily movement challenge that works for you and your lifestyle and to simply ‘Rise Every Day’.

It all started 10 years ago when I stepped into my mother’s bedroom and invited her to join me in a walking challenge.

At that time she was 52 and a teaching assistant. However, she had been signed off work with severe depression and was struggling to get the motivation to take a step out of bed, especially during the colder months.

Mum wasn’t alone in this – Sport England research shows a marked decline in any sort of adult activity over the winter months – because the darker days and longer nights can cause a physical and emotional setback. 

The impact of reduced sunlight on our hormones and vitamins in the body has been linked to depression, too.

But the thought of another winter of my mum being really unwell with her mental health was just too much, so I vowed to take action.

I shared with her that we had signed up to walk the distance of a marathon in March, something we’d need to train for. Walking is an activity my mum used to really enjoy – and we would do it together. 

That January, my mum and I started by setting little walking challenges: First was to get out of bed, walk to the shower, then outdoors. It was small steps, but we took them together.

Gradually, in our daily phone calls, Mum dropped hints that she had been out of bed and that she’d found her old hiking boots. And then one day, I phoned home and was told she was out with the dog. It was a huge moment for my mum.

She was finally feeling more like herself again. As for me, I felt like I was getting my mum back: My adventurous, outdoorsy, funny mum.

I knew that my mum wasn’t alone in experiencing challenging winters. Whether we experience mental health challenges or not, winter can be a testing time of year – and so RED January was born.

The focus is on ‘moving every day, to beat the winter blues away’. After sharing the idea with my mum – who loved it – I told some close friends, who all helped me launch it. From the logo to word of mouth, there was a small but mighty community working to get the word out.

Since then, RED has grown into a global movement.

We now have a huge community – complete with families, schools and workplaces – doing things together and sharing their experience and achievements, no matter how small.

The majority of ‘REDers’ are motivated to support their own mental health and wellbeing; and our members range vastly in age. Our youngest is four-year-old Jack who does laps of the school playground every weekday between November and February. While Brenda, who is 98, enjoys daily dog walks in Wales.

Research from the University of Oxford even showed that 74% of the RED community are more active than usual during the month.

It’s not just the physical benefits that our members love either. More than 50% of participants experience less stress and reduced signs of depressive symptoms.

I’ve had all sorts of messages from participants about how embracing the movement has been a real boost to self-esteem and self-confidence. Some tell me how they’ve gone for a job they never thought themselves capable of, or have started a new class, or taken steps towards something they’ve always dreamed of doing. 

Other participants raise money for charity alongside completing these challenges – and we’ve raised £3.2 million so far. 

Just the other day, I was speaking to a dad who signed up this year and he told me all about how doing RED January had really enriched his relationship with his son. It’s so heart-warming to hear those positive stories; they remind me exactly why I started this community initiative.

I didn’t do it for the accolades – never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d one day step inside Windsor Castle to receive an MBE ‘for services to the nation’s physical and mental health’ – all I wanted was to help my mum.

Today she still supports her mental health with daily walks and is still very much at the heart of the community. It’s so special that we are now part of a community of over 270,000 people who no longer dread winter.

Instead, we get up and get moving despite the cold, dark weather outside. We build connections with people walking their dogs and talk about how being in the open air helps our wellbeing.

And as another January draws to a close, I feel so proud of the community. Together, we’ve turned a typically challenging time of year into something bright and positive!

This year we partnered with Mind Over Mountains – a mental health charity that provides walks and well-being retreats where the therapeutic benefits of the open air are complemented with trained counsellors to help people open up in an unpressured setting. It was incredibly moving to see so many ‘REDers’ not only choosing to support their own wellbeing, but raise funds to support others.

The RED philosophy carries on year-round, too. Over 70% of our community are more likely to continue the healthy physical activity habits they formed in January, if they’re given support to do so; and we’re all here to support and inspire. 

We can turn January into something to look forward to; so long as we’re ready to rise up and be part of something special.

(As told to Mik Barton, Mind Over Mountains charity)

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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